Coaching is Not a Massage — It’s a Gym for Your Mind and Life

By Dr. Jace Tan, Fortune 500 Coach

Over the past two decades of working with professionals, leaders, and individuals seeking growth, I’ve noticed a persistent misconception about coaching — whether it’s life, career, or relationship coaching. Many come into a coaching session expecting it to be a massage: a place to relax, vent, and feel temporarily better. While a coaching session can bring relief, it’s not meant to be a feel-good experience where the coach “fixes” your problems and you simply walk away refreshed.

Let me be clear — coaching is not a massage. Coaching is a gym.

When you go for a massage, the therapist does all the work. You lie down, close your eyes, and let someone knead away your tension. It feels good, and sometimes, you even leave feeling “lighter.” But the truth is, nothing has fundamentally changed. The tension will return because you haven’t strengthened the muscles or addressed the root causes.

Now, think about the gym. When you step into the gym, you do the work. You sweat, stretch, and push your limits. It’s not always comfortable. In fact, it’s often painful in the moment. But over time, the results are visible — stronger muscles, improved endurance, better posture, and a more resilient body.

That’s what real coaching does.

In coaching, the coachee is the one who must “lift the weights.” The coach’s role is to design the right exercises, spot your blind spots, and ensure that your efforts lead to the right outcomes. A good coach challenges you, holds you accountable, and helps you see what you cannot see — but cannot do the “lifting” for you.

If you approach coaching passively — waiting for inspiration or expecting the coach to “heal” you — you will leave the session the same way you came in. No growth. No insight. No transformation. But if you show up ready to sweat — mentally, emotionally, and sometimes spiritually — the results can be profound.

Just like consistent gym workouts build physical strength, consistent coaching builds mental resilience, emotional agility, and clarity of purpose. You begin to notice progress: you communicate better, make clearer decisions, and handle stress more effectively.

A skilled coach doesn’t make you dependent. They make you stronger. They help you build the inner muscles needed to lift the weight of your challenges — in life, career, and relationships.

So, the next time you think about engaging a coach, ask yourself:
Do you want a massage to feel better for a moment, or do you want a gym where you can get stronger for life?

Because in the end, growth doesn’t come from comfort. It comes from commitment.

— Dr. Jace Tan
Fortune 500 Coach | Author | Corporate Trainer